Tags: Directors, Drunk, Film Festivals, Filmmaking, Movies, Politics, Toronto Film Festival, Toronto or Canada
So I’m coming back from the store with laundry detergent and I almost literally bumped into David Miller, the Mayor of Toronto. He was with his young kids, all decked out in sports-jerseys… I wonder actually if they were really his kids, or kids hired for the campaign. Or perhaps kids hired for fun and games. Or perhaps sex. Yes; sex, politics and little boys ALWAYS go hand in hand. Or hand in pants…
In any case, tonight I’m going to see Uwe Boll at the Toronto After Dark Film Festival, and I’m going to try and get some video footage of the worst filmmaker in the world doing his thing… aka, sucking. Really though, it’s not because I hate his movies… frankly, I haven’t seen ONE of them… but he IS German. And the only people I hate more than the Germans are the Je– hehe, that’s a joke. A fucking joke, alright. Sheesh. Moving along, crackas.
I’m sooo drunk right now. I just LOOOOVEE doing laundry when I’m drunk. Fills up the spirit bar, if you know what I’m saying. -34 intelligence, +5 rocking-factor. That’s the way we Canadian Indies do it… we get drunk and make movies. Unlike the Germans, who drink FAR more than us and make FAR shittier movies about videogames.
OK, look, you wanna know the beef I’ve got with Uwe Boll? Here it is- he wants to turn “Fallout” into a movie… which is MY FUCKING PLAN!! YOU HEAR ME, BOLL? MY PLAN!! I WANT FALLOUT, BITCHZILLA!!!!!
GAHHHHHH!!!
/anger
Ok, calm. Calmness. Ok.
I understand that Fallout was based heavily on Mad Max, which basically means that the movie has already kinda been done… but one of my film-goals is to turn the Fallout series into movies… that are GOOD. Good, being the keyword. Good, also being the antithesis of Uwe Boll.
So if Mr. Boll ever gets the cheek to read this… you leave Fallout alone, you son of’a bitch! Leave it alone! Ya’hear? And I’d TOTALLY be willing to fight you in a boxing match for the development rights!
And with that, I’m going to drink more!
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