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Bumper, meet your maker:
An instructional guide to being hit by an automobile.

Chris Bohren, an unwilling stuntman, court jester and production assistant that has been with Supergun Cinema since it's inception has been hit with numerous vehicles over the years, and share his knowledge here.

By: Chris Bohren

Step 1: Preparation "H"

This takes a while; anywhere from a few days to a few months. You should know everything about the car itself. You need to know timing, the angle of impact, what you can or cannot grab onto once you land, where on the car to land , what part of your body should make first impact, EVERYTHING!!!!!!
For me however it was simply, “Okay, I’ll do it.”

Step 2: Prepare your body

This should be done through months of excruciating training and muscle build up. Practice similar falls on safety mats, under trained supervision.
For me however, it was simply gaining a few more extra pounds consuming black forest cakes to act as a “fat blanket”.

Step 3: The Mental Conditioning

This again can take weeks or even months knowing for a fact that you are able bodied and can take the punishment a car can dish out. Knowledge is key…knowing everything you need to know about the stunt. What can go wrong, what you should do, what needs to be completed during every single stage of the stunt to make it a success. Know in your mind that you can perform the stunt flawlessly.
For me however….a simple bottle of bourbon 5 min before made me feel invincible

Step 4: The Calm Before the Storm

Knowing where you are, the speed of the car, and breathing deeply are essential at this point, if you do not feel comfortable for whatever reason CALL THE STUNT OFF. Knowledge is everything here, what you have worked months, or even years on….after all you don’t want the crew to have to scrape you off the sidewalk. I mean sure at least the movie will be dedicated to you, but would you rather have a movie credit or a big number engraved on your tombstone?
I repeated step 3 with a larger quantity of bourbon.

Step 5: Showtime!

Once the stunt has commenced there is no turning back, good, bad or ugly; you’re in it till the end at this point. This is what you have trained for all those months though, you’re ready. You know the car inside and out, you have someone behind the wheel that you have grown up with, you’ve got the director in the passenger seat for a secondary angle; all you can do now is trust that you are ready and go along for the ride.
For me however…. I was drunk.

Step 6: When Good Stunts Go Bad

Make contingency plans with all involved in case something goes wrong. Know how to roll off the car if you need to, signal to the driver to slow down, keep a cell phone in the car with the ambulance on speed-dial. The team should be prepared for anything that could happen.
For me however… being unprepared is how I choose *hic* to live my life.

Step 7: The Wrap

At the end of the stunt, you are surrounded by cheering friends….and horrified onlookers who have no idea what is going on, but they are all cheering, or breathing a sigh of relief as you get up, dust yourself off, and say “I’M OKAY”
For me however… I just prefer to pass out.

Chris Bohren is not a professional stunt-man and this article is for entertainment purposes only. God knows who's going to be entertained by this, but it's the least we can do for Chris considering we've probably shortened his lifespan by half hitting him with all those cars. Please do not attempt these stunts without trained supervision. Chris goes into more detail on his stunt-man experience on the Macbeth 3000 DVD in the Behind the Scenes Feature: Canadian Movie.

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